


don't threaten me with a good time

by lagayette



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: But aren't we all, Gen, Identity Reveal, Mixed Media, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Social Media, Tags May Change, Texting, Twitter, at least on this fic, but like, flash ain't that bad, he's a bit of a dick, may doesn't know that peter is spiderman, sortaa??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2020-03-07 19:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18879853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lagayette/pseuds/lagayette
Summary: Peter Parker created his twitter account when he was 12 and starry-eyed at the thought of meeting Tony Stark.Four years later, the thought doesn't fill him with the same giddiness it once did, but that doesn't mean he's not scared to tell you to fuck off if he sees you hating on Tony Stark.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [house on fire](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8498344) by [ilgaksu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilgaksu/pseuds/ilgaksu). 



> I wanted to make this as lighthearted as possible, so there won't be much drama.
> 
> I don't really dislike Flash that much? So I won't trash on him.
> 
> Also, the title's from the P!ATD song, because it was the only thing that kept me awake while writing this.

**Peter**  
@peterpiper

I saw Thor in person once!!

 **129** Following          **1.1K** Followers

 

  
❤ Ne(r)d liked  
 **Peter** @peterpiper **·** 2h

So you guys are really out here hating on Tony Stark without knowing shit about him, huh?

Can't relate 

 **45** Retweets        **433** Likes

> **Sam**   @sammytsunami **·** 1h
> 
> Tony Stark is literally responsible for the death of thousands of people, everything he touches he destroys and he thinks that just cause he puts on a tin can and punches a few people we have to overlook all of the bad he's done??
> 
> **15** Retweets          **90** Likes
> 
> **Peter** @peterpiper  · 1h
> 
> Only thing he's responsible for it's saving your fucking life. Plus, he's trying to make up for it? He's addressed all of this both in press conferences and the new accords.
> 
> **23** Retweets         **189** Likes
> 
> **Sam** @sammytsunami  · 1h
> 
> I see that you're just another dick rider and there's no point arguing with you lmao
> 
> **0** Retweets         **34** Likes
> 
> **Peter** @peterpiper · 57m
> 
> **10** Retweets         **101** Likes

 

 

 

tony stark  **accords**

tony stark  **avengers**

tony stark  **dead**

tony stark  **jail**

 

 

 ** **❤**** Peter liked

  **Lia** @starkdaily · 5m

Tony Stark and Pepper Potts were seen walking down the streets of New York after months of radio silence about the new accords 

[x]

 **4** Retweets       **94** Likes

 

 

 

_**Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson** _

**Peter Parker (4:50pm):** Hey, just letting you guys know that I don't think I'll make it to practice

 **Michelle Jones (4:52pm):** Seriously, Peter?

 **Peter Parker (4:53pm):** Sorry!! It's the intership 

 **Eugene Thompson (4:55pm):** Is it, though?

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Ded Leeds**

 **Ded Leeds (4:57pm):** So you really out here skipping on decathlon to go patrolling, huh?

**Peter-Man (4:57pm):**

****

**Ded Leeds (4:58pm):**

**Peter-Man (4:59pm):** <3

 

 

 

Here's all you need to know about Tony Stark, the Avengers and the accords - bbc.co.uk/news

Tony Stark and Fiancée Seen Walking Down the Streets of New York Months - wsj.com

Here's what Tony Stark had to say about his relationship with the former Avengers - foxnews.com 

 

 

 

 ** **❤**** MJ liked

 **Emma** @deadonarrival · 38m

So the WSJ really just reduced Pepper Potts to "Tony Stark's fiancée"?? 

When she's easily one of the most powerful women on Earth by herself?

**600** Retweets         **4.4k** Likes

 

 

  **Charlie** @charlottesweb · 25m

How the WSJ be looking after posting that article

**320** Retweets         **2.9K** Likes

 

 

 

  _Text Message from_ **Tony fucking Stark**

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:31pm):** Hey kid, just texting to see if you were doing okay

 **Spider-Baby (5:32pm):** Hi, Mr. Stark

 **Spider-Baby (5:32pm):** I'm doing fine! :)

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:36pm):** You sure? Been getting enough sleep and eating your veggies?

 **Spider-Baby (5:37pm):** I'm sure!! What about you? Have  _you_ been getting enough sleep?

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:40pm):** I'm fine, kid

**Spider-Baby (5:41pm):**

****

**Tony fucking Stark (5:43pm):** Who is that? 

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:44pm):** Is this another one of your pop culture references?

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:46pm):** Nevermind, I just googled it

 

 

 

**zuzuludgate:**

 I know Tony Stark isn't the most unproblematic celeb out there, but like, it genuinely pisses me off when people hate on him for no reason?

The guy it's not perfect but he fucking tries to clean the mess he left behind while C*ptain Am*rica runs off and does whatever the fuck it is a war criminal does

#tonystark #zuzu talks #i don't hate cap #but like #he's a fucking mess #yikes

 **405** **notes**

 

 

 

 **Ne(r)d** @nerdyleeds  **·** 3m

I know y'all like to hate on him, but Jar Jar Binks isn't that bad of a character

  **0** Retweets        **7** Likes   

> **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 3m
> 
> Ned, delete this 
> 
> **0** Retweets        **9** Likes
> 
> **Ne(r)d** @nerdyleeds · 3m
> 
> No printer, just fax
> 
> **0 Retweets       8** Likes
> 
> **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 2m
> 
> **0** Retweets         **6** Likes
> 
> **Ne(r)d** @nerdyleeds  **·** 2m
> 
> **0** Retweets          **7** Likes
> 
> **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 2m
> 
> **0** Retweets             **4** Likes
> 
> **Ne(r)d** @nerdyleeds  **·** 1m
> 
> **0** Retweets           **2** Likes

 

 

 _Text message from_ **May**

 **May (7:30pm):** Hi, sweetie, just wanted to check on you

 **Pete (7:31pm):** May! I'll be home earlier than 10, I promise

 **May (7:33pm):** Okay, you know I worry

 **May (7:33pm):** I larb you

 **Peter (7:35pm):** I larb you too <3

 

 

**calzoneboii:**

**anon:** What's your opinion on Pepper Potts??

**calzoneboi:**

What do I think of Pepper Potts??

#ask me anything #probably will reply #pepper potts #shes amazing #it pisses me off #that people dismiss her #like?? #she works so hard

**3,475 notes**

 

 

 

**webslingerboi**

**147** Posts  **50.4k** Followers            **3** Following

**Spidey**

It's wednesday my duuudes

 

 

**webslingerboi**

Queens, NY 

 

 

[x]

 

 

Liked by  **nedleeds, artisdead** and 19,904 others

 **webslingerboi** It's ya boi, with another sunset pic

 

View all 1,344 comments

 **flashthompson** You're so cool!!

 **emyay** hmm

 **eleanorpark** Finally some good fucking food

 

2 hours ago 

 

*

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ 

@stark

You know who I am.

 **87** Following         **26.7M** Followers

 

 

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 30m

 **RT:** @StarkIndustries "The new StarkPhone is here #StarkPhoneS20. #StarkPhoneS20 is for life. Learn more: starkindustries.co/StarkPhoneS20"

 **1,908**  Retweets **15.2K** Likes

>   **Jessie** @iftheytestmethey **·** 30m
> 
> Are you really promoting your own shit when thousands of ppl have died because of you?
> 
> **34** Retweets **234** Likes
> 
> **Ben** @badandbenji  **·** 28m
> 
> You rn 
> 
> **25** Retweets **289** Likes
> 
> **Jessie** @iftheytestmethey  **·** 27m
> 
> Replying with a meme because you don't actually have an argument? Seems about right
> 
> **10** Retweets **134** Likes
> 
> **Ben** @badandbenji  **·** 25m
> 
> **36** Retweets          **593** Likes

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Pep**

 **Pep (9:39pm):** You okay?

 **Tony (9:40pm):** I'm good enough

 **Pep (9:40pm):** Good.

 

 

  _Text message from_ **Spider-Baby**

 **Spider-Baby (9:53pm):** Mr. Stark, just texting to let you know that I think I'm gonna be late on friday

 **Spider-Baby (9:53pm):** I have detention, apparently you're not supposed to blow the chem lab up?? But it was for science I swear

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:55pm):** How did you...?

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:55pm):** Nevermind

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:56pm):** Sure kid, just make sure to arrive before the sun sets

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:56pm):** Wouldn't want aunt hottie mad at me because poor little Peter was out at night

 **Spider-Baby (10:02pm):** Sure, Mr. Stark!! :)

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:05pm):** Go to sleep, kid 

 

 

 **❤** Ne(r)d and Flash liked

 **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 13m 

Goodnight to Tony Stark only 

 **14** Retweets **49** Likes


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only thing that kept me awake while writing this chapter was "Come and Get Your Love" but I don't think I'll change the title to that lmao

**Peter**  
@peterpiper

Tony Stark's no.1 stan account

 **134** Following         **1.5K** Followers

 

 **Peter** @peterpiper · 34m

How far Tony Stark has taken prosthetics is quite amazing and he deserves more recognition tbh 

 **39** Retweets          **542** Likes

> **Veronica** @vroomica · 31m
> 
> Do you ever stop talking about Tony Stark?? lmao
> 
> **12** Retweets          **145** Likes
> 
> **Peter** @peterpiper · 29m
> 
> **21** Retweets         **183** Likes

 

 

tony stark  **starkphone**

tony stark  **wedding**

tony stark  **pepper potts**

tony stark  **dead**

 

 

**_Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson_ **

**Charles Murphy (3:34pm):** Yooo, how did you guys do on the spanish test? tbh I was pretty scared, but an 89 is pretty good

 **Edward Leeds (3:37pm):** 92, I did try to study, but tbh spanish isn't my best subject

 **Eugene Thompson (3:38pm):** I studied my ass off and got a 95 so like

**Peter Parker (3:40pm):** I got a 98, I didn't study at all, though, so I'm not complaining

**Eugene Thompson (3:41pm):**

****

**Peter Parker (3:43pm):**

****

 

 

 

 **❤** Peter liked

 **Jada** @starkwatch · 45m

Tony Stark was seen walking out of local coffee shop with what appears to be two cups of coffee and a chocolate frappuccino 

 

[x]

 **45** Retweets         **459** Likes

> **Anna** @wonderstruck · 40m
> 
> Nice to know that even a billionaire's able to enjoy those sugary messes
> 
> **12** Retweets         **87** Likes
> 
> **Dana** @tropicalfish · 37m
> 
> It probably wasn't his lmao everyone knows his go to drink is black coffee
> 
> **19** Retweets         **143** Likes
> 
> **Anna** @wonderstruck  · 35m
> 
> Then whose was it?? Pepper Potts doesn't strike me as a frappuccino gal
> 
> **13** Retweets         **98** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_   **Spider-Baby**

 **Spider-Baby (4:53pm):** Freaking finally, I've been waiting for ten years

 **Tony fucking Stark (4:54pm):** Don't be dramatic, I left 20 mins ago

**Spider-Baby (4:56pm):**

**Read 4:56 PM**

**Spider-Baby (4:57pm):**

****

**Tony fucking Stark (5:00pm):**

****

**Spider-Baby (5:00pm):** MR. STARK ASDFGHJKL

 

 

 **Dave** @boywonder · 30m

The worst part about high school locker rooms is having to hear 16yos talk about how hot Pepper Potts is?? Like

**127** Retweets          **890** Likes

> **Sarah** @spanishsahara · 27m
> 
> **76** Retweets         **342** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Ded Leeds**

 **Ded Leeds (6:07pm):** U still up to build the lego 10030 star destroyer tmrw??

 **Peter-Man (6:08pm):** ummm hell yeah??

**Ded Leeds (6:09pm):[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCOVUz0SZAQ&t=1s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCOVUz0SZAQ&t=1s)**

 

 

 

Learn all about the new StarkPhone's revolutionary touchpad - starksphere.co.us/starkphoneS20

New StarkPhone already making waves on the streets - techfreak.us

StarkPhone or iPhone? - techcentral.co.us

 

 

 _Text message from_   **May**

 **May (7:15pm):** Are you still at Mr. Stark's?

 **Peter (7:16pm):** Just left a lil bit ago

 **May (7:16pm):** Okay, just try to be home early, yeah?

 **Peter (7:17pm):** Sure

 **Peter (7:17pm):** Larb you

 **May (7:18pm):** I larb you too

 

 

 

**webslingerboi**

**156** Posts  **52.1k** Followers            **3** Following

 

**Spidey**

It's wednesday my duuudes

 

 

**webslingerboi**

New York, USA

 

 

[x]

 

 

Liked by  **nedleeds, areyouhappy** and 23,045 others

 **webslingerboi** in case y'all were wondering what the top of the statue of liberty looks like

 

View all 2,389 comments

 **tommytimberlake** what are you even doing all the way over there???

 **nedleeds** dude, what even is your life??

 **emyay** hmm

 

1 hour ago

 

 

 

**_Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson_ **

**Eugene Thompson (8:23pm):** Hey losers, my parents are going on a business trip and I'm having a party on friday

 **Michelle Jones (8:25pm):** no thanks, I like to spend my fridays thinking about existence and how worthless it is

 **Edward Leeds (8:27pm):** Well, okay, Michelle Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

 **Sally Avril (8:30pm):** I don't understand??

 **Elizabeth Brant (8:31pm):** Oh, Sally, sweet, sweet Sally

 **Sally Avril (8:32pm):** I still don't understand?

 **Edward Leeds (8:34pm):** Here you go, Sally

**Edward Leeds (8:35pm):<https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6829556/2/My-Immortal>**

**Sally Avril (8:36pm):** What is this?

 **Edward Leeds (8:37pm):** Umm?? Only the best fanfic ever written?? 

**Abraham Brown (8:39pm):**

 

 

 

**burtmacklin:**

Tony Stark antis whenever anyone brings up a good point in his favor 

#no tea #no shade #just fact

**579 notes**

 

 

 

 _Text message from_   **Tony fucking Stark**

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:10pm):** Hey, kid 

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:11pm):** You on your way home yet?

 **Spider-Baby (9:12pm):** Mr. Stark! It's barely nine

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:14pm):** Well, your aunt is rightfully worried about you

 **Spider-Baby (9:15pm):** You guys text???

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:16pm):** Of course we do

 **Tony fucking Stark (9:17pm):** How else would we know what our idiot teenager is up to?

**Spider-Baby (9:19pm):**

****

**Tony fucking Stark (9:23pm):** We love you

 **Spider-Baby (9:24pm):**...

 **Spider-Baby (9:25pm):** I love you guys too

 

 

 

 **Ashley** @iwantitall · 21m

Okay, but like, spider-man is so problematic? He's clearly very young and reckless and he's sooner than later gonna crash and burn and it's gonna be /ugly/

 **13** Retweets         **137** Likes

> **Pamela** @pamandgin · 19m
> 
> **46** Retweets         **567** Likes

 

*

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ 

@stark

You know who I am.

 **91** Following         **28.1M** Followers

 

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 2h

I'm going on Ellen soon, so look out for that, I guess 

 **12.3K** Retweets         **202.8K** Likes

> **Pepper Potts** ✔ @VirginiaPotts· 2h
> 
> Could you please try to seem a bit more excited?
> 
> **11.9K** Retweets         **148.1K** Likes
> 
> **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 2h
> 
> **13.3** **K** Retweets         **320.3K** Likes
> 
> **Sally** @playerone · 2h
> 
> Did Tony Stark just tweet a fucking meme?? Is the simulation broken?
> 
> **1.8K** Retweets           **4.7K** Likes

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Spider-Baby**

 **Spider-Baby (10:34pm):** MR. STARK

 **Spider-Baby (10:35pm):** I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:37pm):** Kid, out of all the things I've done

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:37pm):** This is what you congratulate me for??

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:38pm):** I don't understand kids these days

 **Spider-Baby (10:40pm):** I mean, yeah, but like, you've always been an amazing person and a role model

 **Spider-Baby (10:41pm):** For me and a lot of kids out there

 **Spider-Baby (10:41pm):** But, a meme Mr. Stark, a  _meme_

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:42pm):** I don't know if I should get emotional or just be very disappointed

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:43pm):** So I will settle for both 

 **Spider-Baby (10:45pm):** A  _meme,_ Mr. Stark

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:50pm):** Go to sleep, kid

 

 

 **❤** Ne(r)d liked

 **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 20m 

Goodnight to Tony Stark only 

 **32** Retweets **80** Likes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's currently 2:38 am where I live and I've been writing since 9pm, but I really wanted to get this one out, the school system is very different in my country so I'm barely halfway through the year and I'm a junior going to school for science, so like, the time I get to do anything is small lmao


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another chapter of: I chose random books from my bookcase and made usernames out of them! :)
> 
> The songs that kept me awake while writing this chapter, oddly enough, were Willie Nelson's "Buddy" and Flo Rida's "Who Dat Girl" which are so so different and yet here we are

**Peter**  
@peterpiper

Chocolate frappuccinos are NOT sugary messes. Periodt.

 **178** Following         **1.8K** Followers

 

 

❤ Ne(r)d liked

 **Peter** @peterpiper · 1h

 So Tony Stark is really going on Ellen in two days, huh?

 

 **37** Retweets          **973** Likes

 

 

tony stark e **llen**

tony stark e **lon musk**

tony stark e **ducation**

tony stark e **lement**

 

 

_**Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson** _

**Abraham Brown (3:23pm):** Flash, you still at school?

 **Eugene Thompson (3:24pm):** No, I left like 15 mins ago 

 **Abraham Brown (3:25pm):** You sure? Cuz I swear I just saw you getting into your car

 **Eugene Thompson (3:25pm):** No way, I'm already home

 **Abraham Brown (3:26pm):** Who tf is this, then???

**Abraham Brown (3:26pm):**

****

**Eugene Thompson (3:27pm):** Go fuck yourself, Brown

 **Eugene Thompson (3:28pm):** That wasn't even funny

 **Charles Murphy (3:28pm):** Is this roasting Flash hour? Cause I'm in

 **Eugene Thompson (3:29pm):** No, it's not 

**Eugene Thompson (3:30pm):**

****

**Charles Murphy (3:32pm):** Fine, but only for that usage of meme from the office 

 

 

 

 ❤ Peter liked

 **Jen** @starktruck · 1h

Reminder that in two days Tony Stark is going on Ellen

 **57** Retweets          **2.3K** Like

> **Simon** @snowballing · 1h
> 
> Us to Tony rn: 
> 
> **35** Retweets          **39** **6** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Spider-Baby**

 **Spider-Baby (3:47pm):** Mr. Stark! I had a minor delay that might've or might've not been the cutest dog I've ever seen in my entire life

 **Spider-Baby (3:47pm):** Only a hypothetical situation tho

 **Tony fucking Stark (3:48pm):** Really, kid?

 **Spider-Baby (3:49pm):** I'm sorry!!

 **Tony fucking Stark (3:50pm):** No, you're not

 **Spider-Baby (3:51pm):** I'm really not

 **Spider-Baby (3:52pm):** This is the best dog I've ever met in my entire life and I will (and I can't stress this enough) die to protect him

 **Tony fucking Stark (3:52pm):** Jesus

 **Tony fucking Stark** **(3:53pm):** Alright, just hurry up

 **Spider-Baby (3:54pm):** Kay, calc-you-later

 **Tony fucking Stark (3:55pm):** Do not.

 **Spider-Baby (3:56pm):** Sorry...

 **Spider-Baby (3:56pm):** Good-pi

 **Tony fucking Stark (3:57pm):**  Kid,I swear to God 

 

 

 

 **Frank** @burningwood · 1h

To be Frank with y'all, I never really disliked Tony Stark, even at his worst  

 **12** Retweets          **341**  Likes

> **Hazel**  @goldenhorse · 56m
> 
> Ahead of your time much?
> 
> **3** Retweets          **83** Likes

 

 

 

**_Golden Trio: Ded Leeds, MJ and Peter-Man_ **

**Ded Leeds (4:15pm):** Do you guys think I should ask Betty out? Idk

 **MJ (4:16pm):** Sure

 **Peter-Man (4:16pm):** UM?? Yeah?? 

 **Ded Leeds (4:17pm):** I don't know, I'm just a bit scared, ig

 **Peter-Man (4:18pm):** Ned, you are the most beautiful boy I've ever met and anybody would be lucky to date you

 **Ded Leeds (4:19pm):** I can't be the most beautiful boy ever, that's you

 **Peter-Man (4:20pm):** Dude 

**MJ (4:21pm):**

****

**Peter-Man (4:21pm):** You're just jealous of our love

 

 

 

**magiciansnephew:**

Just want to remind you all of this photoshoot Tony Stark did for vanity fair:

 

[x]

 

#Tony Stark #Vanity Fair #finally some good fcking food

**1,678 notes**

 

 

 

 

  **webslingerboi**

 **162** Posts  **54.7k** Followers            **3** Following

**Spidey**

It's wednesday my duuudes  

 

 

**webslingerboi**

Queens, NY

 

 

[x]

 

 

Liked by  **nedleeds, canthandlethis** and 15,294 others 

 **webslingerboi** Friendly reminder that animals aren't toys and you shouldn't get one if you don't think you can handle it.

 

View all 1,091 comments 

 **wrenegade** Say it louder for the people in the back, spidey!

 **licolnoneill** Umm, hell yeah?

 **emyay** hmm

 

34 minutes ago

 

 

 

 **Luke** @lightningthief · 2h 

I'm going through Tony Stark's old photoshoots and I just-

**571** Retweets          **8.2K** Likes 

> **Beth** @fremontley · 2h
> 
> You rn 
> 
> **43** Retweets          **539** Likes
> 
> **Luke** @lightningthief · 2h
> 
> **72** Retweets          **1.3K** Likes

 

 

 

**_Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson_ **

**Cindy Moon (5:45pm):** Charles, could you ask Miranda for my copy of To Kill a Mockingbird back? I lent it to her like two weeks ago and I need it back

 **Cindy Moon (5:46pm):** I don't have her number, but since you guys were dating I thought you could ask her for me 

 **Charles Murphy (5:47pm):** No can do, Cindy

 **Charles Murphy (5:47pm):** We ain't dating anymore

 **Peter Parker (5:48pm):** You guys were still dating like, 6 hours ago?? What happened? Are you okay?

 **Charles Murphy (5:49pm):** Turns out she doesn't know Ne-Yo, so I broke up with her 

 **Abraham Brown (5:50pm):** Dude

 **Eugene Thompson (5:50pm):** Murphy, what the hell?

 **Peter Parker (5:51pm):** That doesn't seem like a valid reason at all

 **Charles Murphy (5:52pm):** I'm sorry that you guys can overlook a girl not knowing R&B singers from the early 2000s, but I can't 

 **Michelle Jones (5:53pm):** murphy, apologize to that girl for being an asswipe

 **Charles Murphy (5:53pm):** Fine, but if she doesn't know Ginuwine I'm not doing it

**Abraham Brown (5:54pm):**

****

**Cindy Moon (5:57pm):** So will you ask her about the book or....?

 

 

 

Tony Stark is Going on Ellen and We're Here For It - buzzfeed.com

Find out how Tony Stark deals with the pressure - news.com.au

Tony Stark tells us what the ex-vengers are up to! - usatoday.com

 

 

 

 _Text message from_   **Tones**

 **Tones (6:35pm):** "ex-vengers"

 **Tones (6:35pm):** Fucking hate that word

 **Platypus (6:36pm):** I know

 **Platypus (6:36pm):** This will all be over before you know it

 **Tones (6:37pm):** I sure (and I can't stress this enough) fucking hope so

 **Platypus (6:38pm):**?

 **Platypus (6:38pm):** What was that?

 **Tones (6:39pm):** I regretted that message the second after I sent it

 **Tones (6:39pm):** Damn kid

 **Platypus (6:40pm):** Damn kid, huh?

 **Tones (6:40pm):** Shut up, Rhodey

 

 

 

 **Cath** @magicath · 49m 

Tony Stark antis          sodium chromate

                           🤝

                    being toxic 

 **19** Retweets          **816** Likes

> **Perse** @pomegranetsaregood · 47m
> 
> **11** Retweets          **159** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **May**

 **May (7:32pm):** You still up for Thai tonight?

 **Peter (7:33pm):** Yup! I'll be home before 8

 **May (7:33pm):** Good

 **May (7:34pm):** Larb you

 **Peter (7:34pm):** I larb you too!

 

 

 

**_Golden Trio: Ded Leeds, MJ and Peter-Man_ **

**Ded Leeds (8:13pm):** I'm about to ask Betty rn, I'm really nervous? Is this even a good time for me to do it?

 **Peter-Man (8:14pm):** I'm heading out to have dinner, so I'll just leave you with a few words of wisdom:

 **Peter-Man (8:15pm):** Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, pizza is knowledge. Go, go, go!

 **MJ (8:16pm):** what he said

 **Ded Leeds (8:17pm):** You can't just quote parks and rec and leave?? That quote didn't even apply to this situation

 **MJ (8:18pm):** ask the girl out.

 **MJ (8:41pm):** you've been oddly quiet, did you pussy out?

 **Ded** **Leeds (8:42pm):** SHE SAID YES!!

 **Ded Leeds (8:43pm):** It was so amazing!! I can't wait to tell you guys about it!!

 **MJ (8:44pm):** okay, romeo, i think we know enough

**Ded Leeds (8:45pm):<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrZHPOeOxQQ>**

**Peter-Man (8:51pm):** Aww, don't worry, you can tell me all about it tomorrow! 

**Ded Leeds (8:52pm):<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSFyrrhKj1Q>**

**Peter-Man (8:53pm):** <333!

 **MJ (8:54pm):** gay

 

 *

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ 

@stark

You know who I am.

 **92** Following         **28.6M** Followers

 

 

❤ Peter liked

 **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 3h

No, Elon Musk and I are NOT secret lovers planning to take over the world with technology. Please stop writing fanfiction about this.

 **164.3K** Retweets        **6** **02.2K** Likes

> **Jadis** @whitewitch  **·** 3h
> 
>  How did he find out omg
> 
> **40** Retweets           **502** Likes
> 
> **Ari** @universesecrets  **·** 3h
> 
>  Us realizing he actually reads us
> 
> **531** Retweets          **7.3K** Likes

 

 

 **Annie** @booksrlyfe  **·** 2h

Okay, but real talk, how did Tony Stark actually find out about the Elon Musk thing??

 **72** Retweets          **739** Likes 

> **Kat** @kittykat  **·** 2h
> 
> I've been thinking about this ever since he posted that tweet and I can't figure it out. I thought we were being secretive tbh
> 
> **25** Retweets          **141** Likes
> 
> **Sandra** @starryeyed  **·** 2h
> 
> I still think Tony Stark and Elon Musk are secret lovers planning to take over the world tbh
> 
> **14** Retweets          **139** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Spider-Baby**

 **Spider-Baby (11:43pm):** Mr. Stark, could you please submit a petition to The Oxford English Dictionary for me??

 **Tony fucking Stark (11:44pm):** What for? And why are you even awake?

 **Spider-Baby (11:45pm):** Not important.

 **Spider-Baby (11:46pm):** I would like for veterinarians to be officially renamed dog-tors

 **Tony fucking Stark (11:47pm):** I think that's the worst thing you've ever said to me, and you've said a lot of weird things

 **Spider-Baby (11:48pm):** Please, Mr. Stark, this is really important

 **Tony fucking Stark (11:49pm):** Go to sleep, kid.

 **Spider-Baby (11:51pm):** Fine

 

 

 

 **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 3m

Goodnight to Tony Stark only

 **4** Retweets          **28** Likes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit late, but my biology final was literally the worst experience I've ever gone through in my entire life, younger me really thought she was going to mayor in biochemistry. What a fucking clown. Right now I'm on a week break before the next quarter starts and I have a place in the top 10 of my class to maintain (Which is a weird flex, because I have shitty sleeping habits as a result and I barely made it) so hopefully I update regularly. 
> 
> this is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/marygaynne) if you wanna like, ask literally anything (even for a meme)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "How dare you still be alive" - probably you guys
> 
> I'm so sorry you guys!! School's a bitch, and I've never been the best at staying on schedule, sorryy, this one's a tiny bit longer and different from the rest?? sort of?? It took me like, 6 hours straight cuz I forgot how to format this bitch? I forgot it was a bit of a pain, at times lmao
> 
> If you find any mistakes, please let me know!!

**Peter**  
@peterpiper

Stopping to look at dogs on the street is NOT a waste of time. smh.

 **183** Following         **2** **K** Followers

 

 

 **❤** Flash and Ne(r)d liked

 **Peter** @peterpiper · 3h

TONY STARK ON ELLEN IN 2 HOURS 

**154** Retweets          **769** Likes

 

 

tony stark  **ellen**

tony stark  **steve rogers**

tony stark  **sexuality**

tony stark  **spiderman**

 

 

 **Keyla** @queenofthecourt · 1h

Tony Stark said: Fuck ex-vengers rights

 **12** Retweets          **130** Likes

 

 

 **Ash** @callenreeselynx · 1h

Tony Stark looking for a reason to give a shit about the ex-vengers:

**342** Retweets          **1.9K** Likes

 

 

 

 _ **Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson**  _ 

 **Charles Murphy (3:02pm):** How do you guys think Tony Stark and Pepper Potts deal with having sex in front of an AI?

 **Charles Murphy (3:03pm):**  Like, isn't it awkward to think that if someone hacked into it they would literally have access to all of your sex tapes?

 **Sally Avril (3:04pm):** What? Where did that even come from?

 **Peter Parker (3:05pm):** God, I wish I was Jared, 19

 **Eugene Thompson (3:06pm):** Murphy is asking the real questions tbh

 **Eugene Thompson (3:06pm):** Next time you "see" him, Parker, you should ask him 

 **Peter Parker (3:07pm):** Please stop, I've done nothing to deserve this

**Eugene Thompson (3:09pm):**

 

**Peter Parker (3:11pm):**

****

 

 

 

**peachypeach:**

This is how the convo b/w Tony Stark and Pepper Potts right before the Ellen interview went down:

 

PP: So like, how much shade are you planning to throw towards the ex-vengers

TS: Yes

 

#overusedjoke #ik #butyouknowthatshowitwentdown #whatcanisay

 **439 notes**  

 

 

 

 **Lana** @wonderlana · 2h

I'm so sorry to everyone who is a friend of mine, bc the only thing I'll talk about for the next year is Tony Stark, I just-

  **162** Retweets  **901** Like

> **Sylvia Is Not Amused** @elfingaround · 2h
> 
> LANA, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?
> 
> **19** Retweets         **127** Likes

 

 

_**Golden Trio: Ded Leeds, MJ and Peter-Man** _

**Ded Leeds (4:10):** gUYs

 **Ded Leeds (4:10):** I need help pls

 **Ded Leeds (4:11):** HOW DO YOU TALK TO A GIRL?? 

 **Ded Leeds (4:11):** tomorrow is my date with Betty and I'm so nervous asdfghjkl

 **Ded Leeds (4:28):** GUYS PLEASE

 **Ded Leeds (4:28):** I AM BEGGING YOU ON MY KNEES

 **MJ (4:30):** please stop spamming the chat, nerd

 **MJ (4:31):** just be yourself, since that took you this far 

 **Ded Leeds (4:32):** MJ, please, I'm literally going to die

 **MJ (4:34):** then perish

**MJ (4:34):**

 

 

* * *

 **From: Michelle Jones** <mjones@msst.com>

 **For:** savril@msst.com, ebrant@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, ethompson@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 9. 2017 4:50

 **Subject:** New Schedule

 

Afternoon, losers

 

Since christmas break is approaching, I thought I'd put together a new schedule for decathlon practice, I hope none of you guys thought there wouldn't be practice just because we're going on break. If you find any troubles with the schedule, too bad, I expect you guys to be able to make time for practice since I'm telling you with anticipation. I don't want any excuses for missing practice (Hear that, Parker?) so if you're planning on skipping and giving me some stupid excuse, please save both your breath and my patience.

 

**schedule.docx**

* * *

**From: Eugene Thompson**  <ethompson@msst.com>

 **For:** mjones@msst.com, savril@msst.com, ebrant@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 9. 2017 5:09

 **Subject:** Re: New Schedule

 

So we're finally acknowledging that Parker's excuses are bull??

* * *

**From: Sally Avril**  <savril@msst.com>

 **For:** ethompson@msst.com, mjones@msst.com, ebrant@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 9. 2017 5:14

 **Subject:** Re: Re: New Schedule

Good afternoon, everyone! ヾ(≧▽≦*)o

I think you're being rather unfair, Flash, maybe it's something Peter can't talk publicly about?? I say we give him the benefit of the doubt and treat him the same way we would treat the others!! After all, we don't really know what goes down on someone else's life ^(o≧∀≦)o

* * *

 **From: Eugene Thompson**  <ethompson@msst.com>

 **For:** mjones@msst.com, savril@msst.com, ebrant@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 9. 2017 5:17

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: New Schedule

* * *

**From: Michelle Jones** <mjones@msst.com>

 **For:** ethompson@msst.com, savril@msst.com, ebrant@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 9. 2017 5:20

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: New Schedule

 

Stop replying to this email, you guys have a chat function in your phones, use it.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Tony Stark reveals shocking details about the Avengers' split - abcnews.go.com

Is Spider-man the new future of the Avengers? - dekuanalysis.com

Tony Stark offers solution for the ever-growing healthcare crisis  - nytimes.com

 

 

 

 **Erin** @tofumoon · 48m

I am so so glad that even billionaires can acknowledge how trash the healthcare system can be! A lot of people don't seem to think so, but as someone who interned at a local hospital, I saw some shady shit.

**236** Retweets        **2.9k** Likes

 

 

 

 **Astrid** @goblinslayer · 55m

I'm glad that 2017 is the year we can talk about Tony Stark positively without being made fun of

**92** Retweets        **1.1k** Likes

> **Jen** @jennyspaghetti · 48m
> 
> Astrid, that picture is horrifying, please delete this.
> 
> **25** Retweets        **462** Likes
> 
> **Astrid** @goblinslayer · 46m
> 
> No.
> 
> **11** Retweets        **129**  Likes
> 
> **Jen** @jennyspaghetti · 42m

 

 

 

 _Text message from_   **Spider-Baby**

 **Spider-Baby (5:34pm):** Mr. Stark! You did so good today!!

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:42pm):** It was nothing, kid, I've been doing this for years.

 **Spider-Baby (5:46pm):** Why can't you just take the freaking compliment?!

**Spider-Baby (5:46pm):**

****

**Tony fucking Stark (5:50pm):** Why do you gen z kids insist on always making your point with memes?

 **Spider-Baby (5:50pm):** ok boomer

 

 

 

**badparadox:**

 

TS: The problem is, they [The ex-vengers] think that being a superhero means saving people and going home. Being a superhero means taking responsibility and accountability and neither of those stops. Ever. 

 

_Extract from Ellen DeGeneres' interview with Tony Stark, november 9th 2017._

 

#maybehesnapped #tonystark #ellen #ikindagreetho

 

**14,091 notes**

 

 

 

**webslingerboi**

**166** Posts  **57.9k** Followers            **3** Following

**Spidey**

It's wednesday my duuudes  

 

 

**webslingerboi**

Queens, NY

 

 

[x]

 

 

Liked by  **nedleeds, yellowhearts** and 102,829 others 

 **webslingerboi** whatever you're going through, just remember that the world is 4.543 billion years old and we were lucky enough to exist at the same time as Tony Stark.

 

View all 4,031 comments 

 **shoop** asdfghjkl

 **sillyjilly** this man-

 **emyay** hmm

 

1 hour ago

 

 

 

 **Spencer** @flammablecheetos · 1h

Did Spider-man really post a selfie in front of his Ironman shrine??? The simulation is beyond repair at this point I JUST-

**310** Retweets        **3** **.5k** Likes

 

> **Jill** @mrsgreenapple · 1h
> 
> tbh I'm not sure Spider-man's ever been part of the simulation lmao he clearly acts as a separate entity
> 
> **192** Retweets        **1.2k** Likes

 

 

 

 _ **Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson**  _ 

 **Charles Murphy (6:12pm):** I just finished watching the Ellen interview and I'm still not sure if I want Tony Stark to be my dad or be my daddy

 **Peter Parker (6:13pm):** For fucks sake-

 **Charles Murphy (6:14pm):** Ok, but imagine this, you come home from school after a hard day of Flash bullying you and the first thing you see is Tony Stark, isn't that a dream come true??

 **Edward Leeds (6:15pm):** He has a point, Peter

 **Peter Parker (6:16pm):** et tu, ned?

**Edward Leeds (6:18pm):**

****

**Peter Parker (6:20pm):**

 

 

 

 **Jon** @notjonsnow · 41m

Why does no one talk about the fact that tony stark and spiderman follow each other on instagram?? like, it's not weird of spiderman to follow him, but the fact that tony follows him back??

 **95**  Retweets        **875** Likes

> **Che** @hatsunfun · 37m
> 
> I mean, they've teamed up a couple of times?? It's not a secret that spidey's suit is tony stark's doing, it's too high tech for a small time hero
> 
> **86** Retweets        **784**  Likes
> 
> **Clara** @larissee · 34m
> 
> I mean, sure, but both tony stark and spiderman have teamed up with a lot of people, doesn't mean they're mutuals with them on instagram
> 
> **42**  Retweets        **562** Likes
> 
> **Che** @hatsunfun · 33m
> 
> So maybe they're closer than we thought ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> **56** Retweets        **575**  Likes
> 
> **Jon** @notjonsnow · 27m
> 
> **13** Retweets        **182** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_   **May**

 **May (7:43pm):** I'm not gonna be home tonight, sweetie

 **May (7:44pm):** Take care and please be home before 10

 **May (7:44pm):** Larb you!

 **Peter (7:45pm):** Take care as well!

 **Peter (7:45pm):** I larb you too <3

 

*

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ 

@stark

You know who I am.

 **92** Following        **31.7** **M** Followers

 

 

❤ Peter liked

 **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 2h

I stand by everything I said. Stop making up shit rumors. G'night. 

 **113.3K** Retweets        **463.2K** Likes

 

> **Pepper Potts** ✔ @VirginiaPotts· 2h
> 
> Why must you make the PR department suffer so much?
> 
> **90.5K** Retweets         **198.5K** Likes
> 
> **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 2h
> 
> Maybe it's a talent.
> 
> **68.3K** Retweets        **119** **.8K** Likes
> 
> **Pepper Potts** ✔ @VirginiaPotts· 2h
> 
> **99.5K** Retweets        **252.1K** Likes
> 
> **Tess** @artesstic · 1h
> 
> She's so done I-
> 
> **24** Retweets          **451** Likes

 

 

 

_**Golden Trio: Ded Leeds, MJ and Peter-Man** _

**Ded Leeds (9:32pm):** You guys, I'm too nervous to go to sleep

 **Peter-Man (9:32pm):** Then don't.

 **Ded Leeds (9:33pm):** _Peter no_

 **Peter-Man (9:34pm):** I'll sleep when I'm dead

 **Ded Leeds (9:35pm):** Is that what Mr. Stark's been teaching you?

 **Peter-Man (9:35pm):** maybe

 **MJ (9:37pm):** go the hell to sleep, leeds

 **Ded Leeds (9:40pm):** I'm trying to!!

 **Ded Leeds (9:41pm):** I'm just too excited for tomorrow!!

 **Peter-Man (9:42pm):** As your sleep paralysis demon, I think you should go to bed

 **Ded Leeds (9:43pm):** My sleep paralysis demon is actually the kool aid man

 **Peter-Man (9:44pm):** Fair 

 **Ded Leeds (9:45pm):** I think I'm just gonna play some relaxing music and pray for the best

 **MJ (9:46pm):** cool

 **MJ (9:47pm):** if you want a nice song to fall asleep to, here's my favorite one

 **MJ (9:47pm):** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fjEViOF4JE>

**Ded Leeds (9:50pm):** OH MY FUCKING GOD

 **Ded Leeds (9:51pm):** I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT YOU SEEMED TOO NICE 

 **Ded Leeds (9:52pm):** I'm going to bed

 **Ded Leeds (9:52pm):** I hate everything

 **Peter-Man (9:53pm):** :(

 **Ded Leeds (9:54pm):** Except you, Peter, I could never

 **Peter-Man (9:54pm):** :)

 **MJ (9:59pm):** gay

 

 

 

 **Sho** @icyhot · 1h

So now that is clear that Spider-man and Ironman's relationship runs far deeper than we could've thought, I thought to myself- [1/6]

 **456** Retweets        **2.5K** Likes

> **Sho** @icyhot · 1h
> 
> "It's kind of unusual for Tony Stark to take a liking to small time heroes like spidey" - [2/6]
> 
> **98** Retweets        **1.6K** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot · 1h
> 
> So then there must be something else, something that we're not seeing, because it just doesn't make sense, y'know? - [3/6]
> 
> **87** Retweets        **1.2K** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot · 58m
> 
> I mean, don't get me wrong, I really really like spidey, but I also know that Tony never does things just because, right? - [4/6]
> 
> **75** Retweets        **998** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot · 55m
> 
> And so, after hours of theorizing and comparing, I think I finally know the truth, but bare with me, it might seem unbelievable - [5/6]
> 
> **67** Retweets        **852** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot · 53m
> 
> Spider-man is Tony Stark's secret love child - [6/6]
> 
> **246** Retweets        **3** **.6K** Likes
> 
> **Naya** @frutyohs · 50m
> 
> Sho I- ASDFGHJKL
> 
> **26** Retweets        **149** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Tony fucking Stark**

 **Tony fucking Stark (11:34pm):** Kid

 **Tony fucking Stark (11:35pm):** Kid, I see you online, go to sleep

 **Spider-Baby (11:37pm):** what if I don't?

 **Tony fucking Stark (11:38pm):** Then I guess nobody's coming over tomorrow

 **Spider-Baby (11:40pm):** _Mr.Stark_ _no_

**Read 11:42 PM**

**Spider-Baby (11:45pm):** OKAY GOOD NIGHT

 

 

 **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 27m 

Goodnight to Tony Stark only 

 **23** Retweets **71** Likes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of keyboard smashing in this one lmao 
> 
> please don't hesitate to spam me if I'm taking too long lmao


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the school system works different in my country and we start the school year in march, today was my last day of class as a junior!! So I thought I'd celebrate and stuff. 
> 
> The song that kept me awake while writing this was "Nandemonaiya" by the RADWIMPS, I was in a mood and Your Name is my favorite movie ever, so there's that.
> 
> This whole chapter got out of control so fast, I'm so sorry lmao halfway through I re-read it and I was like "what?? what is even happening anymore??" asdfghjkl I really said there would be no drama, what a fucking clown

**Peter**  
@peterpiper

Getting your point across with memes is totally valid and whoever (that's not Tony Stark) says otherwise is a coward and a liar.

 **180** Following        **4** **.5** **K** Followers

 

 

 **Peter** @peterpiper · 1h

Spider-man and Ironman are not biologically related, in this essay I will-

 **53** Retweets         **391** Likes

 

> **Ne(r)d** @nerdyleeds · 58m
> 
> I don't know Peter, the evidence seems pretty compelling
> 
> **13** Retweets          **139** Likes
> 
> **Flash** @speedythompson · 55m
> 
> Why don't you ask him yourself? Since you're his "intern" and all...
> 
> **674** Retweets          **2** **.5K** Likes
> 
> **saraaah** @sarahsmiles · 40m
> 
> Wait, what?? I didn't know Tony Stark took in high school interns?
> 
> **43** Retweets          **975** Likes
> 
> **Jakey** @americandragon· 36m
> 
> He doesn't. Have you considered not believing everything you see on the internet? lmao
> 
> **22** Retweets          **341** Likes
> 
> **saraaah** @sarahsmiles · 33m
> 
> Have you considered that this boy's /friend/ is saying that for a reason? I doubt a Stark intership is something you can fake
> 
> **39** Retweets          **510** Likes
> 
> **Jakey** @americandragon · 28m
> 
> Maybe so. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, you never know what goes on Tony Stark's head.
> 
> **48** Retweets          **674** Likes
> 
> **saraaah** @sarahsmiles · 24m
> 
> Yeeaah!! Idk you **@peterpiper** , but you're doing amazing sweetie!!
> 
> **19** Retweets          **140** Likes

 

 _Message requests for_ **Peter**

 **Noah** @sadboi: hey, is it true ur stark's intern??

 **Ash** @likeaphoenix: Hi Peter, is Ashley Simmons, from school. Do you really know Tony Stark?

 **Orin** @oreocooties: what's Tony Stark like?

 **What's a name?** @cookiesandscreams: are you really tony starks intern????

_Show 221 more_

 

 

 

tony stark  **interships**

tony stark  **age**

tony stark  **charity**

tony stark  **james rhodes**

 

 

 

 **Lia** @starkdaily · 21m

As of today, it was revealed that Tony Stark allegedly takes high school interns from time to time. Since this is information to be confirmed, I don't really know the requirements.

 **56** Retweets        **398** Likes

 

> **Xio** @cioori · 17m
> 
> It seems pretty unbelievable, but I don't doubt it that much tbh
> 
> **3** Retweets        **72** Likes
> 
> **Xio** @cioori · 16m
> 
> Like, Tony Stark seems like the type to want to grab talent as young as possible and mold it into an asset for himself.
> 
> **30** Retweets        **12** **2** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Penis Parker**

**Penis Parker (4:03pm):**

****

**Penis Parker (4:03pm):** Sometimes I hate you so fucking much

**Eugenital Thompson (4:05pm):**

****

**Penis Parker (4:06pm):**

****

**Penis Parker (4:07pm):** Are you even aware of the mess you got me in?? This is going to be a shithole, Flash

 **Eugenital Thompson (4:09pm):** You can always admit to your lies, y'know?

 **Eugenital Thompson (4:09pm):** You'd make this easier for everyone involved

**Penis Parker (4:12pm):**

****

**Eugenital Thompson (4:14pm):** Instead of sending reaction memes, maybe you should figure out how you'll get out of this one lmao

 

 

 

**starryskies:**

Idc what y'all say, Tony Stark running to greet James Rhodes is the cutest thing I've ever seen

 

[x]

 

#gif #hessotiny #ilovehim #tonystark #jamesrhodes

**2,290 notes**

 

 

 

 _ **Decathlon hoes: Sally Avril, Elizabeth Brant, Abraham Brown, Michelle Jones, Edward Leeds, Cindy Moon, Charles Murphy, Peter Parker and Eugene Thompson**  _ 

 **Charles Murphy (4:35pm):** Holy shit Peter HAHAHA

 **Peter Parker (4:37pm):** I hate this fucking family

**Peter Parker (4:38pm):**

****

**Michelle Jones (4:38pm):** same

 **Charles Murphy (4:40pm):** Waaaiiit, Pete, I hadn't really asked you before, but does this mean you know Spidey?? Since he's Tony Stark's son and all

 **Peter Parker (4:42pm):** I could answer that question, but you won't get to keep your kneecaps

 **Charles Murphy (4:43pm):** Oookay, read and understood. Have a nice day

 

 

 

* * *

 **From: Michelle Jones**  <mjones@msst.com>

 **For:** savril@msst.com, ebrant@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, ethompson@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 15. 2017 5:05

 **Subject:** Grades

 

Greetings, losers

As of now, this hasn't been a problem, but I would like to remind you that break is not an excuse to slack on schoolwork, anyone that falls out of a 4.0 GPA can say goodbye to being a regular. A decathlon team is made out of the students with the best academic performance. I won't accept anything less, it's nothing personal.

I talked to all of our professors and figured out which subjects are your weakest so that you could watch out for them. Don't make my efforts go to waste, nerds.

 

**couldbeimproved.docx**

* * *

**From: Elizabeth Brant** <ebrant@msst.com>

 **For:** mjones@msst.com, savril@msst.com, abrown@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, ethompson@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 15. 2017 5:13

 **Subject:** Re: Grades

 

MJ!! This is so sweet, thank you for watching out for us, captain!! We'll give it our all, promise.

* * *

 **From: Abraham Brown** <abrown@msst.com>

 **For:** ebrant@msst.com, mjones@msst.com, savril@msst.com, eleeds@msst.com, cmoon@msst.com, cmurphy@msst.com, ethompson@msst.com, pparker@msst.com

 **Date:** November 15. 2017 5:21

 **Subject:** Re: Re: Grades

 

THANK YOU, MJ, VERY COOL

* * *

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **Tony fucking Stark**

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:32pm):** Kid, for real?

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:34pm):** I've been called at least two hundred times in the past  _hour_

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:35pm):** Right now my phone could compete with the best vibrator money can afford

 **Spider-Baby (5:37pm):** Mr. Stark!!! That's very gross, please do not.

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:40pm):** Well, how do you even know what a vibrator is?? Aren't you like twelve??

 **Spider-Baby (5:41pm):** Mr. Stark, I'm a teenager on the  _internet_

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:42pm):** Still doesn't explain anything

 **Tony fucking Stark (5:42pm):** Either way, sit tight while I fix the mess you made, kid

 **Spider-Baby (5:43pm):** I'm very sorry, Mr. Stark!!

 

 

 

Who Is Spider-Man? NY's Own Costumed Freak - dailybugle.us

Pepper Potts on being a CEO and the importance of time management - hollywoodlife.co

James Rhodes gives us an insight to life with a prosthetic - lifedaily.org

 

 

 

 **Mio** @pettylesbian · 1h

The Daily Bugle really tried it, going after Tony Stark's son like that.

**310**  Retweets        **2.2K** Likes

 

> **Ingrid** @fckingrockstar22 · 1h
> 
> MIOO ASDFK I-
> 
> **10** Retweets        **175** Likes

 

 

 

 **Baaaka!** @tiredyama · 53m

I think Tony Stark is a cool dude, but he's not thaat attractive. 

It had to be said and it was said.

**98** Retweets          **313** Likes

 

> **5'4" ft of raage** @orangeshrimp · 50m
> 
> Babe, I love you, but shut the fuck up 
> 
> **164** Retweets          **429** Likes
> 
> **Baaaka!** @tiredyama · 47m
> 
> Wow, okay. I see how it is. (This is what awaits you at home btw)
> 
> **121**  Retweets          **3** **96** Likes
> 
> **5'4" ft of raage** @orangeshrimp · 45m
> 
> Aw, don't be like that, babe!
> 
>  
> 
> **120**  Retweets          **214** Likes
> 
> **Baaaka!** @tiredyama · 43m
> 
> Gross, HAHA. You're the worst, idk how I put up with you
> 
> **131**  Retweets          **251** Likes
> 
> **Lisa** @gureenge · 39m
> 
> You're lucky y'all make a cute couple  **@tiredyama** you get to keep your bones a day more
> 
> **241** Retweets          **48** **2** Likes

 

 

 

 _Text message from_ **May**

 **May (6:03pm):** Peter, what did you do this time?

 **Peter (6:04pm):** ASDFGHJKL???

 **May (6:12pm):** Nevermind, I called Tony

 **Peter (6:13pm):** Why would you think something happened in the first place??

 **May (6:15pm):** Maybe because I just got home from work and Ms. Flores from the third floor was complaining because she had to chase and I quote "Delinquent good for nothing reporters" away?

 **Peter (6:16pm):** Yeah, I can see how you'd connect that to me

 **May (6:17pm):** Please be very careful, honey

 **Peter (6:19pm):** Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.

 **May (6:20pm):** It's okay, I was expecting it to happen, to be honest.

 **May (6:20pm):** Larb you

 **Peter (6:20pm):** I larb you too

 

 

 

**bblovesraven:**

Imagine thinking that you have the right to harass a fucking  _teenager_ over an internet rumor.

Can't relate. Get over yourselves. 

#leavepeterparkerthefuckalone #tonystark #theinterneistheworstsometimes #jennaspeaks

**5,010 notes**

 

 

 

**webslingerboi**

**166** Posts  **60.2k** Followers            **3** Following

**Spidey**

It's wednesday my duuudes  

 

 

**webslingerboi**

Queens, NY

 

 

[x]

 

 

Liked by  **nedleeds, johnnykarate** and 90,441 others 

 **webslingerboi** I give you this nice sunset pic in hopes that you guys can stop dming me about my relationship with Tony Stark. He's not my father, Jesus. 

 

View all 6,341 comments 

 **maaase** Is he your daddy, then?

 **longhope** Some of these comments, jfc

 **emyay** hmm

 

2 hours ago

 

 

 

 **PEGGY!!!** @notaschuyler · 1h

Are bitches really out here implying that Tony Stark and Spider-Man are fucking when Spidey's like, way less than half his age and probably his lost son??

**631** Retweets          **3.5K** Likes

 

> **Timmy** @ilovepeaches · 1h
> 
> But Peggy!!! Incest is wincest
> 
> **21** Retweets         **408** Likes
> 
> **PEGGY!!!** @notaschuyler · 1h
> 
> TIMOTHY PLEASE DON'T
> 
> **111** Retweets        **318** Likes

 

 

 

 _ **Golden Trio: Ded Leeds, MJ and Peter-Man**  _ 

**Peter-Man (8:02pm):**

****

**Peter-Man (8:03pm):** I have it fucking HANDLED

 **Michelle Jones (8:05pm):** You or Tony Stark?

 **Peter-Man (8:06pm):** Wow, we're doing public call outs like that. Okay.

 **Ded Leeds (8:07pm):** Nice job, Peter!! 

 **Ded Leeds (8:08pm):** Does that mean that Flash won't give you shit anymore??

 **Ded Leeds (8:08pm):** What is even going to be done about this?? Will Mr. Stark give a speech of some sort about this??

 **Peter-Man (8:09pm):** Nah, I don't really know?? But I doubt Mr. Stark would be so brash with something as delicate as this. 

 

 

*

 

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ 

@stark

You know who I am.

 **96** Following         **34.7** **M** Followers

 

 

 **Tony Stark** ✔ @stark  **·** 30m

Peter Parker is my intern. He's incredibly fucking smart and a good kid, most of all, he's sixteen, if I see any assholes harassing him, be prepared to face my lawyers. 

 **13.3K** Retweets        **34** **.2K** Likes

 

> **Peter** @peterpiper · 26m
> 
> MR. STARK ASDFHKNEDSCOI
> 
> **6.3K** Retweets        **12.5K** Likes
> 
> **Pepper Potts** ✔ @VirginiaPotts· 25m
> 
> Tony we talked about this, do you truly hate our PR department this much?
> 
> **7.9K** Retweets        **2** **2.3K** Likes

 

 

 

 _ **Golden Trio: Ded Leeds, MJ and Peter-Man**  _ 

 **Peter-Man (8:41pm):** Never fucking mind

**Peter-Man (8:42pm):**

****

**Ded Leeds (8:45pm):** _DUDE_

 **Ded Leeds (8:46pm):** That was lowkey the dopest thing to ever happen to you ever

 **Peter-Man (8:47pm):** I hate everything

 **MJ (8:50pm):** At least they don't know you're Spider-Man, that would be bad.

 **Peter-Man (9:00pm):** AFDIVNEIOVNWAFVEWCSA

 **Peter-Man (9:00pm):** MJ!!!

 **MJ (9:01pm):** Was it supposed to be a secret??

 **MJ (9:02PM):** just kidding, i know it was lmao

**Ded Leeds (9:07pm):**

****

**Ded Leeds (9:09pm):** well, i guess you could say...

 **Ded Leeds (9:10pm):** the spider's out of the bag 

 **Peter-Man (9:11pm):** NED

 **MJ (9:12pm):** it was never in the bag in the first place

 **Peter-Man (9:14pm):** MJ adfg

 **MJ (9:16pm):** no offense, but it was kind of obvious. at least if you spend as much time with you dorks as i do.

 **Peter-Man (9:17pm):** We would've told you eventually, it's just...

 **MJ (9:19pm):** nah, I get it, i prefer it this way, anyways

 **MJ (9:20pm):** reminds me that I'm smarter than both of you.

 **Peter-Man (9:21pm):** Absolutely true, I wouldn't want to be on your bad side when you take over the world

 **MJ (9:22pm):** good. i'm glad we're both aware of my destiny.

 

 

 

 **Sho** @icyhot **·** 25m

So, now that it's been confirmed that Tony Stark has an actual son (Please, you expect me to believe he's just some random intern?) [1/6]

 **139** Retweets        **2** **23** Likes

 

> **Sho** @icyhot **·** 23m
> 
> I thought to myself "Wait, could Spidey be around Tony's son age?? And if so, what's their relation??" [2/6]
> 
> **80** Retweets        **162** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot **·** 21m
> 
> Because it would make sense, y'know? If Spidey and Tony's son know each other, it's not far fetched that the latter would get his dad to help spidey out [3/6]
> 
> **64** Retweets        **146** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot **·** 20m
> 
> I mean, I know that if /my/ friends were playing hero while running around in pajamas I'd wanna help too [4/6]
> 
> **45** Retweets        **130** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot **·** 19m
> 
> But then I thought?? What kinda friend gets their fucking dad to spend millions of dollars on a supersuit?? So, after thinking about it for a while, I think I arrived at the most logical solution [5/6]
> 
> 32 Retweets        **112** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot **·** 19m
> 
> Spider-Man and Peter Parker are secret lovers. [6/6]
> 
> **530** Retweets        **1.2K** Likes
> 
> **Naya** @fruityohs **·** 17m
> 
> Sho, you have got to STOP PLEASE. THIS IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.
> 
> **19** Retweets        **104** Likes
> 
> **Sho** @icyhot **·** 15m
> 
> BUT DOES THE WORLD WANT ME TO STOP, NAYA? I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO
> 
> **42** Retweets        **149** Likes

 

 

 _Text message from_   **Tony fucking Stark**

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:01pm):** Hey, kid.

 **Spider-Baby (10:02pm):** I'm sorry, it seems like there's a language barrier. I don't speak TRAITOR

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:04pm):** You're being very dramatic.

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:05pm):** We could've avoided it for a while, but the media always finds shit out, damn nosy bastards

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:06pm):** Before you know it, some big time celebrity is gonna fuck up and they're gonna forget about you

 **Spider-Baby (10:06pm):** Wow. Okay

 **Spider-Baby (10:07pm):** I guess it could've been worse. I can see your reasoning, but it doesn't change the fact that I had no choice in something that's gonna affect me for at least the next month.

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:09pm):** You would have thought about it so much that you'd drive yourself and everyone around you insane, just to leave it all to me, because "I don't know Mr. Stark. What would you do?" I'd like to think I just saved us the whole process

 **Spider-Baby (10:11pm):** Fair enough, but still

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:12pm):** I get it, don't worry, though, I'll make sure the media stays away from you and your aunt.

 **Tony fucking Stark (10:13pm):** You're gonna have to be a lot more careful when Spider-Manning, kid, I mean it.

 **Spider-Baby (10:15pm):** Yeah, sure! Thank you, Mr. Stark (even tho this is all your fault)

 

 

 **Peter** @peterpiper  **·** 23m 

Goodnight to Tony Stark only 

 **132** Retweets **1.3K** Likes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry ASDFGHJK tbh this got out of control so fast, cuz for a second I was like "Wait, what if I get Peter in a big fucking mess??" and then I was like "No, no, I wouldn't do that..... unless" lmao


End file.
